The Different Types Of Presidential Candidates In Nigeria

ONWUASOANYA FCC JONES

It is yet another season of declarations. While many politicians have already indicated their interest in vying for the highest office in the land, many others are either still ‘consulting’ or nosing around for positive signs to enable them, effectively throw their hats into the ring. 

In every election year the Fourth Republic, we usually have upwards of fifty people talking about becoming Presidents of Nigeria, but, at the end, we always have two or three serious contenders by the time, the real show begins. So, while we wait to see more aspirants visit Mr. President to tell him they would want to take over his job and others addressing press conferences or taking different approaches to announce their aspirations, let me share with you, my thoughts about the different kinds of presidential candidates we have in Nigeria;

1. THE BUSINESSMEN: These are people who see declaring for the presidency as a fundraising strategy. Before they declared, they knew they never had any chance of becoming President, but, somehow they have a circle of friends or organizations, they extort money from with their purported campaign for presidency. And because, we have too many gullible people around, this set of presidential aspirants always make some modest funds from this, every four years.

• THE TROUBLEMAKERS: These are the people who set out to cause trouble by being on the ballot. They knew they never had a chance, but they will always look for the slightest opening or error in the nomination or election processes so they can challenge the outcome in court. These people can also be called, the LOCUS SEEKERS, because their decision to declare for the big job is mostly because they want to establish a good locus to go to court after the election.

• THE ARTFUL DODGERS: These are people, who ordinarily would have had a good chance but due to their own mistakes or the current political setup, have been schemed out of things, and knowing that they have no realistic chance of winning, but should rather be cooling off in jail for their many financial atrocities against the people, choose to declare for the big job, as a shield from EFCC or other law enforcement interrogations. This set of people are always quick to scream; “Victimization”, when law enforcement tries to seek answers from them for what they did during their past outings in public office.

• THE JOKERS; These are people who might not even belong to any known political Party or have any political structure anywhere in the country, but are always in the news as presidential candidates. Thanks to social media, with a few thousand Naira, they could have their e-posters popping up across different social media pages.

• THE SCAMMERS; These are people who position themselves for settlement by declaring for the top job. They are not in the race and may not really purchase a nomination form, but would stand by to blackmail both candidates and Parties to settle them.

• THE MONETICIANS: Apologies to Dr. Ikedi Ohakim, from whom I first heard this word. These are who naturally shouldn’t have anything to do with politics, but because they are so wealthy, they feel they can use their wealth to buy power. These people are mostly bereft of political ideas and winning strategies and are mostly at the mercy of political hawks who use all kinds of lies and pretences to milk them of their funds, and leave them frustrated at the end of the election, as these moneticians would mostly not know where or how an election they were directly involved in, panned out.

• THE IDIOTS; The next President of Nigeria will most likely emerge from this group. They are those with the right political contacts, funds and structures, but bereft of the slightest idea about how to make Nigeria better or any intention to do that. They are simply in the race because they have a deal with the real “owners” of Nigeria on how to share the bounties of power and continue to shield the criminals from the law.

• THE PATRIOTS; This is where the next Nigerian President should have ideally emerged from, but this is about the most impossible group to produce the next Nigerian President. Those who belong to this group have all the ideas and the right intentions to make Nigeria work, but would not be ready to do what is required or to agree the deals that can make them President.