In many societies, mothers are expected to be shields, protectors of dignity, character, and the future of their children. Yet, in a troubling and often unspoken reality, some mothers have become the very architects of their daughters’ moral and emotional struggles. Not always through direct instruction, but through relentless financial pressure, subtle encouragement, and the normalization of transactional relationships, often reffered to in Nigeria slogan as “money for hand, back for ground”. They may, driven by material greed and a lack of thoughtful judgment, steer their daughters toward choices with far-reaching and lasting consequences.
It rarely begins as something openly declared. It starts with expectations, demands for money beyond what a young girl can reasonably earn, comparisons with wealthier peers, or admiration for a lifestyle that cannot be sustained honestly. The message, though unspoken, becomes clear: bring money, no matter how. For many young girls, especially those without guidance or support, the line between survival and compromise begins to blur.
In that vulnerable space, some turn to men, often older, often strangers, who offer financial relief in exchange for intimacy. What begins as a desperate response to pressure gradually reshapes values. Relationships become transactional. Affection becomes strategic. And over time, the ability to distinguish between genuine connection and material gain weakens.
The deeper tragedy is not just in the immediate consequences, but in the long-term imprint this leaves on character and perception. Habits formed in youth rarely disappear. A young woman who has learned to navigate life through multiple, financially motivated relationships may find it difficult to embrace commitment later on. Trust becomes fragile. Loyalty feels restrictive. The idea of depending on one partner alone may seem unrealistic or even undesirable.
When such patterns are carried into marriage, the results are often painful, for both partners. The foundation of a stable home, trust, respect, and emotional security, becomes difficult to build. And when the cracks begin to show, the same mother who once demanded financial returns is often absent from the consequences. The daughter is left to face the emotional weight, the social judgment, and the quiet regrets that emerge with time.
This is not to deny the harsh economic realities many families face. Poverty can push people into corners where choices feel limited. But there is a critical difference between hardship and harmful guidance. A mother’s role is not only to demand survival, but to shape how that survival is pursued. When the path chosen undermines dignity and long-term stability, the cost becomes far greater than any short-term financial gain.
Society must also look beyond individual blame and examine the environment that allows such pressures to thrive, where wealth is celebrated without question, where young girls are exposed to distorted ideas of success, and where moral guidance is often overshadowed by material aspiration.
At its core, this is a call for reflection. Parenthood is not merely about provision; it is about direction. The values instilled in youth do not disappear with age, they mature, they evolve, and they often return in the most defining moments of life.
A mother may not walk beside her daughter forever, but the path she sets her on will determine the journey. And when that path is paved with pressure instead of principle, the destination is always that of had I known.
– Ambassador Ezewele Cyril Abionanojie is the author of the book ‘The Enemy Called Corruption’ an award winner of Best Columnist of the year 2020, Giant in Security Support, Statesmanship Integrity & Productivity Award Among others. He is the President of Peace Ambassador Global.