Leveraging Networks To Achieve Purpose: Contacts Versus Connections

DR. CHIWUIKE UBA

The preacher’s sermon at the Diocese of Nike (Anglican Communion) 2020 Stand Up for Jesus Thanksgiving Service centered on ‘Divine Recommendation’. During his sermon, the preacher said something that perfectly aligned with my ‘philosophy of networks to purpose’. He reinforced this philosophy when he said that it is your connections that get you what you need and not your contacts. My understanding is that while contacts may be one-sided, connections are mutual. You may have someone’s contact when the same personi neither knows you nor have your contact.

About twenty years ago, I met a young lady who boasted of her connection with a sitting Head of State then. In my usual critique minded approach to issues, I asked her: are you connected to him because he spent a night with you or that you truly know him? If you know what happens in the political arena, you will obviously understand my drift here. Without a doubt, the President spent a night with her as one of the prostitutes offered to him by the State Administrator as part of hospitality packages for the State Visit. And that is where it ended. No more, no less. In this instance, what the lady had was the President’s contact and not a connection. Many of us, despite the contacts of great men we have on our phone, we cannot speak with them because we are not connected to them.

I am motivated to write on this topic because I have discovered that I am not optimally leveraging my contacts and connections to achieve a purpose. This is largely due to my personality and attitude. I usually take a lot of things for granted and sometimes, do not attach much importance to certain things. No wonder they say that your attitude determines your altitude. I am naturally an emotional person, a recluse so to say; therefore, I am always concerned and careful about how I relate with people, irrespective of how close we are. I find it so hard to ask for favours from people. Evidently, I am destined for divine recommendations, because when God recommends you, every contact and connection obeys. Agreed; we need divine recommendations but, we must also leverage our connections at all times. After all, they say heaven helps those that help themselves.

While who you know (contacts) gets you closer to the door of your purpose, it is who knows you (connections) that get you inside the door and even give you a seat. My earlier example of a lady that spent a night with the Head of State lends credence to this fact. You might know some prominent figures in society, but the question is, do they know you? The story is not different from our relationship with God. Whereas most of us claim to know God, it is more important to confirm if God knows you. That is the crux of the matter. It is the higher authority that determines the fate of lesser authority.

It was Benjamin Franklin who says, “Be civil to all, be social to many, and familiar to few”. It is, therefore, important to decide who are the most productive among your numerous contacts – friends, associates, mentors, etc, and concentrate on servicing those productive ones. Successful connections are built on mutual trust. And it requires investment while keeping in mind that each connection and/or person is different. Personalize your approach for everyone. During the investment period, as we build trust, we must be able to truly offer something of value without expecting anything return. Building and strengthening your connections will help improve your happiness, productivity, and fulfill your purpose in life. Your connections are your social capital and should not be allowed to lie dormant. Always remember that a friend in need can also be a bloody nuisance.

How many us have spent the time to invest in our relationships, our networks. We invest more time and other resources investing in our money, assets liabilities, and even forecasting our future worth and little investment in our social capital. No wonder people determine their relationship with their childhood and poor friends as soon as they become richer or occupy a higher office. I believe your social capital, or your ability to build a network of authentic personal and professional relationships, not your financial capital, current or future position, is the most important asset in your portfolio. Many of my friends have complained about how I abandoned them when they are either appointed or elected into a higher government office. This story is not different from my friends in ecclesiastical positions. My answer has always been that I needed to allow you the space to function. Do not forget the fact that I am still an emotional person. I feel so pained when I call someone I believe should be closer to me and he/she neither pick nor return my call. Ironically, they call me when they need my help/support while in office and only complain of abandonment after they have left office. Kettle calling pot black! Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation, for it is better to be alone than be in bad company.

Leveraging our connections require a positive attitude. Research has proven that attitude is a better predictor of success than IQ, grade point average, or almost any other factor you can think of. Negative people get sick more often, are divorced more frequently, and raise kids who get in more trouble. Negative people also make less money. Do not get too familiar with your connection(s) that you take the relationship for granted. As I indicated earlier, do not go to them only when you have a need for their support. It is also important to recognize that your connection may also experience low and high moments and your ability to understand this would help you to manage relationships. My late father would say, “Anya kw aka mma karia ibiala ozo”. This literally means that “it is better to be told by a friend that it has been a while (you are scarce) than be told here he comes again. Remember, you may become a nuisance with your presence and request for help.

Let me also, say this, it may be impossible to leverage your connections to achieve purpose if you surround yourself with unambitious persons. It is more exhilarating when you surround yourself with people who exude the energy of endless possibilities. We have the choice to reach the stars or to stay on the ground constantly looking up secretly wishing that we were among the dazzling jewels that grace the heavens. Your connections may not be able to help you if you are not prepared for an opportunity. For instance, your connection can only get you a job that requires a graduate if and only you are a graduate. If you are not one, it becomes increasingly difficult to leverage your connections to achieve a purpose. That’s why it is so important to be choosy about who you spend our time with. You are as good as your friends and your environment because they determine what you think, do, and believe. It is also important to show gratitude to your connections when a favour is extended to you. The favour is not your right; it is done to you out of the benevolence of your connection.

Technology has accelerated connections. Unfortunately, most of us are not leveraging the endless opportunities provided by technology to build and strengthen connections. Asking about the well-being of your connections is an important step and this can be done through telephone calls, messages, and even the social media platform. Communication is definitely valued. Technology has removed the barriers created by walls. You may not be able to visit their houses but can make that call. Networking does not only entail meeting people at events, it also involves using resourceful social media tools like Facebook, Twitter, Google Plus, and Instagram to reach out to connections. It is quite unfortunate that most folks use social media mostly for fun.

In conclusion, having either contact or connection is good but how you manage and what you do with the connection is more important. It requires servicing and strengthening. The time you invested in speaking with someone new will not benefit your personal or career development if you fail to follow-up afterward. You do not need to send a long, heartfelt message immediately after meeting someone new, but, it is good to send a message, as soon as possible; especially, when you have something valuable to share or a specific reason to reach out to. In addition, you must build mutual trust and be seen to be valuable or bring something of value to the table. The more you invest in your connections, the more you will learn about your new connections, and the easier it will be to offer assistance — and get it in return. Always look for opportunities to provide value to your connections before you ask for help.

Dr. Chiwuike Uba can be contacted through +2348033095266