When Hints Magazine Was The Closest Alternative…

It was in JSS 2, I had started my dress rehearsals for the usual early teenage madness some of which came from an atrocious exposure to “Hints magazine”. Of course Hints magazine would employ words to paint lucid pictures of censored visuals on NTA and the budding Nollywood. Bollywood was also entrenched amongst kids of my era, but they would kill intense amorous scenes with annoying camera fading, then the next scene rolls in leaving my ever inquisitive mind guessing what could have transpired in the previous between two adult male and female. So, Hints Magazine was the closest alternative for a mischievous Teen like me inside the the iron cage of Mom’s fierce supervision.

How I beat my Mom to having access to such adult material can only be explained by her innocuous love for a smartie Son who rarely showed untoward tendencies.

I met Ebum Gifty, my Ghanaian class mate, who was a beauty to behold. This was my first encounter after many days of petulance, I wanted a kiss so desperately, at least to experiment what in my mind’s eyes was a sweet thing that will transform me into an adult worthy of my Hints’ company. Gifty wouldn’t acquiesce, so I switched my gaze to Rhemmie Alliu. It was at this point my trouble started. How Gifty and Remi teamed up to undo my Teenage frenzy is a lesson every mother should teach their daughters.

They took my matter to the Staff room and reported me to Mr Awolaja, one man with unmitigated craving for flogging demons out of possessed students like me. They told him I was disturbing them, that I said each time I saw them “my thing will do jigijigi”. My people, after rounds of intense flogging and accompanying punishment validated by my Mom, I never sustained an erection until I entered the University.

Did I drop Hints Magazine? Wait for my next post…

— Mazi Ejimofor Opara writes from Awka, Anambra State.